Listening … Silence. And my child crying. We’ve actually had no TV on during the days this week and it’s been so nice and Jackson is playing so well by himself.
Watching … Well, as above, nothing much. Jon and I did finish 60 Days In which is a documentary type show in the Fulton Co (Atlanta) jail, but now we’re done with it. Bummer. So we’ll be going back to Naked and Afraid until we find something we both like. I’m also slowly but surely working on Call the Midwife.
Planning … VACATION! Jon and I decided that instead of flying into South Korea in May, we’ll fly into Tokyo and just fly to South Korea for 3 days instead. So, Japan will be the bulk of our trip. Time to start planning! We’re going to book tickets tonight and shockingly, it’s a direct flight from Atlanta and will only be 85,000 points per ticket (Delta Skymiles FTW!!!!!) so we’re flying for free. I’ll even have enough points left over easily for a domestic flight on my account, which is wonderful. I closed out my AMEX so I’m not accruing points anymore on my account and was hoping not to have a bunch randomly left over.
Browsing … Nothing other than Instagram and Facebook. Going to work on stopping the scroll though and getting away from my phone again though.
Sweating … Not this week! I did a quick 80 Day Obsession booty day this week but I’ve been using nap times for school this week, mornings for playdates, and afternoons with Jon. So, not much sweating is happening. Hoping to get in a workout tonight and tomorrow, but I’ll be back at the gym once I get home so I’m not too worried. I’m still back at CrossFit 1-2x per week at home and loving it. I’ve gotten SO much stronger in just the short period of time I’ve been back.
Loving … Slow days in Charleston with my boy! After working and daycare days all the time in Atlanta, I really like just coming to Charleston and having playdates galore, down time, snuggles, and just spending time with Jackson. He just gets better by the day and I love that I get to hang out with him.
Reminiscing … I’m too busy looking forward to GRADUATION in a month so there’s none of that around here!
Hey-o. So, I’m considering switching back to my old blog. I had plans of making this one more public and organized but I just haven’t. The other day, I logged into my old blog and was pulling up all of my travel nursing posts and I just feel like I can’t get into this blog as much because I wanted it to be something that it isn’t. I’m just never going to be an organized blogger. I don’t want to shorten my long, rambling posts. I want to talk about whatever I want, whenever I want. And truly, I still don’t love blogging about traveling, even though traveling is my favorite thing in the word.
But, to get back to this post… I spent this past weekend in Asheville with Jon and Jackson. We were visiting my oldest sister who just moved there, Tonie. Tonie’s new house is so beautiful!
Weekend trips with a toddler are much different than they used to be! We ran to the store on Friday evening to grab some stuff for Jackson to eat and then hung out at the house.
Saturday morning, Tonie and I went to CrossFit while Jon and Jackson went to a playground. I did 18.2 (the Open workout) and ended up cleaning 100#. I was really surprised since I haven’t worked on my lifts in a LONG time and it was an ugly lift. Jon was laughing at the video Tonie got because I managed to split the lift into two distinct movements. But it’s just so crazy because I worked SO hard to be able to clean 100# in the past and to feel so weak now, and still be able to go clean 100# was eye opening.
We showered during Jackson’s nap and then headed downtown to eat. We ate at Farm Burger (there used to be one near our old condo so this isn’t a new place for us) and Jackson was such a brat in line. I swear, Jackson is so dang cute but he is definitely in a testing phase now and it seriously drives me insane. Thankfully he was pretty good while we ate, but boy does he know how to make a meal not relaxing at all.
Since walking around downtown doesn’t really work anymore, we stopped in a little rocky area downtown where Jackson could climb around and burn up some energy. Then we grabbed some coffee at High Five Coffee and headed back to Tonie’s for the evening.
We got up on Sunday morning to hike. I didn’t even bring a carrier to wear Jackson (I planned on it but forgot it) so we knew it had to be short. We settled on Moore Cove Falls and headed on out! Jackson did surprisingly well and held our hands most of the way out to the fall. He loved the waterfall, of course! I definitely think we need to start hiking with him more. The hike was 1.5 miles total and that was a good length with him. Had we been able to wear him, I think we could definitely go a little longer, but he was worn out from walking that as it was nearing his nap. He passed out as soon as we got in the car!
Jon had to leave when we got back and Jackson was still sound asleep. I normally do really well with the distance between us, but this weekend was hard. Jackson is getting older so he knows that Jon isn’t around. When I transferred him from the car to the bed, he started crying for Daddy before he fell asleep. When he woke up from his nap, he immediately started saying, “Get Daddy” and crying while he went to look for him. It just broke my heart and I couldn’t help but cry. Jackson is obsessed with Jon and Jon hates leaving when Jackson is awake since Jackson cries when he leaves, so it’s too hard for Jon to leave when he’s up. So Jon leaves during nap time but then Jackson always wants Daddy when he wakes up… It definitely makes me second guess accepting this job, because we would be two months from living together again if I hadn’t taken my new job. I just have to remind myself that this isn’t forever but man, is it hard at times.
Tonie and I took Jackson to the playground after his nap. It was such a perfect day and the playground near Tonie’s was so perfect for Jackson. A lot of high platforms for him to climb up, but they were surrounded so he couldn’t fall off. He had so much fun there!
We hung out on Sunday night and I did some schoolwork. The next morning, I woke up and had to rush to get packed since Jackson slept late and so did I. We left at 7:45 for an 8:30 workout at CrossFit. Everybody was repeating 18.2 so I ended up only rowing 3000m which isn’t really a workout in my book. I probably needed it though since I’ve been so sore from going back to CrossFit more often. More of an active rest day…
We went to brunch after the gym and ate pretty quickly.
Jackson and I headed back to Atlanta after that. He was perfect in the car. We ran errands when we got home and then I had to go get my eyes rechecked. Last night was the Bachelor so I sat and watched my show and then went to bed.
I was back at CrossFit this morning for a good workout. My goal right now is to go at least once a week, but some weeks I’ve been making it twice. I try to go to LA Fitness the other days that I’m not working and am aiming for 3-5 days a week at the gym. Totally depends on my week though. It has been so nice being back at CrossFit but it has really made me realize that my back is just so jacked up from pregnancy and pumping for so long. I have to hurry up and find a good chiropractor here and I’m even considering physical therapy for it.
Anyway, I should be off to get some work done. I have a presentation for a work class tomorrow and should get ahead on some school stuff. Thankfully I’ve had an easy semester so far, but April gets much busier with deadlines. But then I’m DONE FOREVER!!!!
Life has calmed down, kind of! At least the stress of it. I had a call about my Capstone project with my professor and we got rid of the stressful step and I think I can kind of skate on by now. I’ll put some time into it of course, but I just don’t think it’ll really be successful right now so I’m not killing myself over it.
My actual schedule has been really busy but I’m okay with it. The semester is way more manageable this time around since there aren’t any papers, so I feel pretty balanced. And despite having a lot of classes for work, they are shorter days typically so I can fit the gym in.
I’m back with the gym consistently, FINALLY! I went back to CrossFit this past week and have decided that I’m definitely going to pick it back up. My old coach commented on how much muscle I’ve lost and I definitely feel it big time. I was just telling Jon that a few days ago too. It’s not realistic to add it back in regularly yet, but hopefully in March I’ll have some more time.
I also took my day off this past week to just relax. I went to the gym, had coffee and crepes, and then picked my boy up from daycare early and we went on a long walk. It was so needed.
I feel like Jon and I worked some things out this weekend and I am past my overly emotional phase. Sometimes I think I just need a good cry and a reminder that we’re in this together and we love each other, and everything falls into place.
I’ll be so glad to be done with school and have time to blog and work on my own job and just enjoy having some slower days. Except we won’t have slow days right away because…
WE ARE GOING TO SOUTH KOREA AND JAPAN! It’s not booked yet but I requested my time off and I’m hoping to get it booked this weekend. We had to firm up dates and check in with our friends (Adam and Jessie) that we’re going to visit. I’m really excited, even though South Korea has never been on my list to visit and while Japan definitely is, it’s not at the top of my list. But who cares! It’s going to be so fun.
I also plan to take a besties and babies trip this summer with Kass, Eleanor, and Gina, so I’m looking forward to that! Probably somewhere close because of the babies…
And Jon and I are talking about Scotland this year too. With Jackson, which would be a first for us! If that doesn’t happen, we are most definitely making it to Quebec City because I’m dying to go there. If we can get to 3 countries this year, I’ll finally be at 20 countries that I’ve visited and MOST of them have been pretty extensively traveled (via road trips or train). My goal is 40 before 40, so a long way to go.
Anyway, it’s almost 9pm and I need to go shower and relax for a bit. I just finished up a Powerpoint for school and should really be at the hospital around 8 for a project I’m doing in my unit (not for school). I want to get my stuff done in the morning so I can dip out to the gym before a class for work at 1pm. But we’ll see how the actually goes!
Today is one of those days. Ugh. Best way to describe it.
Adjusting to a new role at work is a little stressful, especially because I may be a little bit of a perfectionist and I have high expectations of myself. I typically leave working wondering if I handled a situation right. What could I have done differently? Would I have known what to do in another situation? I don’t want to be the person who just swooped into this unit and got hired- I really want to make things better. Yesterday when I was leaving work, I mentioned our census in the unit is down to 20 patients the rest of the weekend because of staffing. The night charge nurse asked if I was coming in today and I said no, I wouldn’t get any family time if I did (among that- I’d be working 4 12s in a row and not seeing Jackson at all- and I need time to get schoolwork done). She was like, “Well, welcome to being a supervisor. That’s a supervisor’s job” in a bitchy kind of way. I normally let things roll off my back. I welcome constructive criticism. But that got to me because I really am dedicated to my work, but I’m not at a place in life where I can pick up extra shifts, even if I want to. I rely on my parents for childcare and taking Jackson to daycare in the mornings puts my mom to work late. And it’s not her responsibility. I took this job and seriously extended my time living apart from Jon, so can I just get my 4 hours on Sunday morning with my family without feeling guilty? I didn’t really respond to the comment (now I wish I had- I don’t think she even knows what my family situation is- also reasons not to judge unless you’ve been in somebody else’s shoes).
School has been stressful. My Capstone project had late approval, so I ended up introducing it to the staff right before I had to go out of town. I got some negative feedback (but constructive really- I appreciated the feedback) from the ER supervisors when I got back (but I think it was more of a miscommunication). It’s been hard to get the ball rolling. My preceptor doesn’t seem into helping me with this project and I feel a bit brushed off by her. The ER has been crazy and had known I wasn’t going to still be working in the ER, I would have chosen my current unit for this project. It was too late to switch once I changed jobs though, so now I’m stuck trying to figure out when/how to dedicate more time to this project. But of course there is reluctance to help- it is CRAZY with flu season and the usual winter madness. I expected this, but I planned on having a bit more support. I’m fine with not having the support, but I hate feeling like a burden. And this project makes me feel like a burden. It also is taking away from where I really want to be focusing my attention, and that is on improving the unit that I am now working in. I’m just overwhelmed by this semester and am seriously counting down the three months until I finish my master’s degree.
On top of the work/school stress, this morning I asked Jon if we could go for breakfast. Jackson isn’t the most fun to take to meals, but we still do it occasionally. Jon didn’t seem to want to take him but agreed. We drug our feet a bit today and when Jon was in the shower, Jackson was being a little awful. I decided it’d be too late to go get breakfast without hitting the church crowd and Jackson was in no mood to wait for a table (it’s also raining, so can’t entertain him outside). I was too hungry to wait to eat somewhere else if the place I wanted was packed, so why not eat at home and go get coffee together? But when I brought that up to Jon, he made a comment about how I can’t just accept his decisions and kind of made a jab at me.
I feel like our marriage has really been on the upswing, shockingly. We’ve been living apart but I feel like we hit a low last semester and have finally been getting along really well for awhile and it has felt good. So I guess to have that jab, on top of all the other stress I feel, it just ruined my morning. I’ve been emotional and a mess.
I just feel pulled in a lot of directions and like I’m not really excelling anywhere. I know it’s normal to be unsure in a new role. It’s normal to meet resistance to new projects in a unit (expected that). I don’t think my preceptor is actually brushing me off on purpose- I think she is just busy and I have been doing most of my internship with my current manager, so I’m kind of “out of sight, out of mind.” I get that. I hate being away from Jon and working and not having my equal parent around to take on the burden of childcare sucks. My mom is amazing but Jackson is not her responsibility, so I feel like I can’t commit what I want to my job. I haven’t had time to workout between school, work, momming, sick days, snow days…
Anyway, with that, I’ll be off to write a paper on a leadership book I read for school… Three more months…
I haven’t written in awhile because after going this long, I feel like I should come in with some big, exciting post. But that’s just not life lately. Life is pretty monotonous. It’s school, work, momming, trying to work out, attempting to spend time with my husband… It’s a busy phase of life.
Does anybody else ever feel like they just look forward to that next phase of life?
When I’m done with my bachelor’s, I can do travel nursing!
When I’m done travel nursing, I’ll be home with my husband!
When I deliver this baby, life will slow down.
When Jackson goes to daycare, I’ll feel more like myself.
When I finish my master’s degree, we’ll be a family again.
When I have another baby, we’ll get to really be a family again.
When the second baby comes, I’ll find a job outside of the US.
See? It’s always the next step. I love life how it is. I really do. I’ll be thrilled when grad school is done in THREE MONTHS and this whole Capstone project is behind me, but life isn’t slowing down. We’re still not going to be living together because I took this job. Is there really a phase where it’ll slow down and we’ll just be content existing? I don’t want to sound like I’m not content. I think I have a wonderful life and part of learning to not be depressed anymore years ago was appreciating my life and my journey. I have been intentional in setting my life up how I want it.
But will I ever get to a point where I’m not looking towards the next thing?
I know having kids and being “settled” is harder on me than I thought it would be. While I feel like I should enjoy this childhood phase, I tend to look at what I wish my life really looked like now. And that’s not as a mom or a master’s student or a nurse. It’s really just living in another country and doing my own thing. I see other free spirits and long for that life. But I do like the structure I have. I love having Jackson. I love coming home to a husband. I love having a home and being near family. I love the comfort of the US.
Is this my midlife crisis? I’m not sure! But I think that once I finish working before our second kid is born, I’ll be looking more towards the next step. I’ve started researching jobs in Australia. I would actually prefer to work in Europe but my options are slim for that (they exist- but are slim). I’m going to have to figure out how to set myself up. I may branch out from nursing, but I actually do love nursing so I don’t want to stray away from it too far. For now, I’m just going to focus on the now though… Finishing school, going on my graduation trip to South Korea in May, getting through the rest of the year away from my husband, and watching my cute little boy grow!
I have spent all week with Jackson since we are in Charleston and it has been sweet and slow. He has been so good and life in Atlanta has been super busy and it has been hard to enjoy time together. We needed this. We had slow mornings, playdates, fun times, family times… I’ve soaked him in and I’ve loved it. We head back to Atlanta tomorrow and back to the grind, so life will be crazy again until our next Charleston trip, but I’m glad we have these times. I’m glad I got a taste of that stay-at-home mom life again, just for a week. It reminds me that I want to be home more with Jackson and I can’t wait until the slower days come in May.
Jackson is FINALLY napping! WOOHOO! We’ve had two napless days around here and he was so freaking tired this morning and fighting his nap, but he finally fell asleep. I feel like I just won the lottery. I can’t decide if I should nap, do schoolwork, clean, or watch Call the Midwife. Or blog, apparently.
I had big plans of finishing up Iceland posts but haven’t. I did upload over 500 photos to Facebook though of Iceland. I’m going to try and upload that whole Facebook album to Shutterfly and make it a vacation album. I want to make sure the quality is okay once it’s uploaded from Facebook though.
I DID finally finish Jon’s Father’s Day album (just a few months late). I need to start on the next one since it took my a full year to finish the last one and I have even more pictures of Jackson this year because he’s just getting cuter and cuter. I’ve also made a tiny bit of headway on some school stuff for the spring but I seriously cannot wait to just have this Capstone project behind me and have my master’s degree. I’m also thrilled to have tuition payments over with! Debt free master’s degree *PARTY HATS*
In other news, I never made it to Florida for Christmas. I got home from work around 8 on Thursday night and went to bed, so I had all of our packing left for Friday morning. Jackson woke up sounding like he was gagging twice on Thursday night but went back to sleep okay. He barely ate Friday morning, but I asked my dad to sit with him while I packed. Jackson was totally happy and started drifting off as soon as we got on the road (3hrs and 15 minutes of packing later, and 4 attempts at leaving the house later…).
And then he threw up. The only good part is that I was just on the south side of Atlanta and hadn’t made it too far. I tried to call Gina since I was right by her house but she was at the zoo. I called Jon panicking over what to do now. In the end, I threw a blanket under Jackson (NOT safe!) to keep him out of his huge puddle of throw up, stripped him down to his diaper, and blasted the heat to keep him warm on our way back home. He never acted sick still, but I didn’t know how we’d make it to Florida like that.
I got home, bathed him, spent 1 1/2 hours cleaning out the carseat and my car (and then another $110 detailing it on Sunday), and of course, unpacked EVERYTHING I had spent hours packing. My dad told me how Jackson ate so well and I was like, “He only ate half of his oatmeal and he always finishes it” and my dad was like, “But when I was feeding it to him, he ate so well!” Ugh. No wonder he threw up! Can’t spoon feed a kid who is clearly not interested in eating.
Jon decided to just come to Atlanta for the weekend since I was over the whole packing ordeal and did not want to deal with that on Saturday morning (not to mention that it rained on Saturday so I couldn’t get my car detailed and I couldn’t get the vomit smell out).
We had a super low key weekend. I had brunch with Gina and Laura on Saturday. I was really excited to be able to get together with them unexpectedly because I still rarely see friends. It was a pretty quick little hangout session, but still much needed.
We tried to find something to do on Saturday night but I wasn’t feeling great for some reason and Jon and I were both tired.
My parents went to Asheville on Sunday so we were alone at the house. We had my rings checked at Zales for the warranty and walked around the mall in the morning and then hung out at home in the afternoon. Everything was closed for Christmas Eve anyway!
We came back to Charleston on Christmas. It was an uneventful day, obviously… I had Jon drive Jackson back so I just got to relax on the drive. It was wonderful! Jackson is always good in the car but when I’m by myself, I can drink whatever I want because I don’t have to worry about if Jackson will be napping when I stop to pee. I don’t have to look at him or entertain him. I just relax and listen to music and drink my coffee. When we got in town, I went to my old gym (it’s a 24/7 gym so I used Jon’s key card to swipe in) and only 2 other people were there. I had such a good workout and got to use the cables. I rarely use the cable machine if people are around because I get kind of shy with it since I don’t have as much experience with it, but I’m working on it!
I’ve been kind of bored in Charleston this time around but it has been kind of nice! My neighbor just had a baby 10 days ago, so her family is in town so I haven’t seen her yet. My other friend is still in Florida visiting her family, but gets back today. But Jon and I leave tomorrow for Florida since we missed it last weekend and then we come back Monday. I plan to go back to Atlanta on Thursday since I work on Friday so I’m not sure how much of them I’ll get to see.
I took Jackson for a coffee date this morning and it was so sweet. He surprisingly did really well, although we didn’t get to sit and relax much. I’m trying to work on getting him to sit in his chair while we’re out and just behave. The place we went was super easy with a kid though since it’s spacious, not crowded, and nobody was working in there so I didn’t feel bad if Jackson was talking loudly about “fahfee.”
I’m definitely not used to staying home with him anymore and it’s been really cold here so we can’t spend a ton of time outside… We visited the Children’s Museum briefly yesterday but it is so packed with school being out. Everybody must have taken their grandparents that are all in town for the holidays because I swear there were 4 adults for every child. We also went to Barnes & Noble since the one near us has a pretty decent kid area. We’re running out to pick up Jon’s license plate today from his old car (he forgot to take it when he sold his Tahoe and apparently there is a fine in SC for not returning plates) and then I have a massage at my chiropractor tonight! CAN’T WAIT!
It has been a super busy month around here. What was planned to be a nice, relaxing month, ended up being packed full.
I accepted a new job, so I’ve been balancing my old job and my new job for the month. I’m now a part-time supervisor on our observation unit (falls under the emergency department, but separate manager and totally separate unit). I have my first day alone on Thursday but my job title doesn’t switch until January 1st. I’m really excited for the new job, but at the same time, a little bummed that this means I’ll be in Atlanta longer, away from Jon. Since it’s part-time, I’ll be able to spend more time in Charleston, especially once school is out in April, but it’s still tough to know we have at least another year of this back and forth! But really, once school is out, part-time is golden. I’ll do two 12 hour shifts a week and have one day still that I will probably intern (resume builder) and then I’ll be free to do whatever! I have a feeling I’ll spend a lot more time with Jackson once school is out and I’m really looking forward to that!
Other than that, I spent a weekend snowed in and I spent a weekend celebrating Christmas in Atlanta! Since Jon and I aren’t doing Christmas with my family, we got it in early. I leave this Friday for Jacksonville to go do Christmas with Jon’s family and then on Monday, I’ll head back to Charleston until the 4th.
Christmas is so much more fun with a kid! I had big plans of not buying many gifts, but somehow we ended up with quite a few. My big purchase was a kitchen set (on super Black Friday sale!) and he loves it! The stove makes noise when you put a pan or a pot of water on it (has to be the ones that go to it, obviously) and he thinks it’s the coolest thing ever. I also bought a Thomas the Train track that was kind of a disappointment since it only has one train that is battery operated (otherwise it doesn’t move at all), but Jackson totally loves it. The kid is obsessed with Thomas lately so it was a good choice! Between the kitchen set and the train, he has been awfully entertained with his new toys! Oh, and his new backpack that he insists on wearing all over the house. We had planned on making cookies and having a big Christmas day with Jackson, but my mom, who never gets sick, was sick all day so Jon and I took Jackson to the outlet mall to walk around since it was nice in the afternoon.
I finally made it back to the gym! My ankle still bothers me quite a bit so I can no longer walk inclines and I can’t do a lot of lower body moves. I can squat comfortably and I plan on deadlifting today, but that’s really about it. Anything else causes pain with flexion but I feel like it’s going to be a pretty chronic issue. The ortho doctor recommended physical therapy so I may try that, or he said that he could do an injection but I don’t want that. So I’m making it work for now and just doing quick, easy workouts to ease back into things and I’ve been so sore this week. I think I’m going to try to start really working on flexibility in 2018 since I’m so inflexible naturally and I think increasing my mobility would maybe help prevent injuries. I think I’m going to actually try to go to yoga once a week and maybe even follow some yoga videos off Beachbody and then just spend more time stretching in general. I was watching my dad put his shoes on for work the other day and he can barely get his foot crossed up on his leg anymore when he’s sitting- that can’t be me. (My dad is also 70, but still!)
I was going to add some cute Christmas pictures of my boy, but I had to take my cat to the vet (he needs a toe amputation due to osteomyelitis- FUN- and expensive) and then I had to spend FOREVER on the phone with USAA to sort out our automatic payments and find out that South Carolina had a rate increase and our car insurance is now $500 more a YEAR. So now I need to change and grab some food to head to a meeting at the hospital.