I haven’t written in awhile because after going this long, I feel like I should come in with some big, exciting post. But that’s just not life lately. Life is pretty monotonous. It’s school, work, momming, trying to work out, attempting to spend time with my husband… It’s a busy phase of life.
Does anybody else ever feel like they just look forward to that next phase of life?
When I’m done with my bachelor’s, I can do travel nursing!
When I’m done travel nursing, I’ll be home with my husband!
When I deliver this baby, life will slow down.
When Jackson goes to daycare, I’ll feel more like myself.
When I finish my master’s degree, we’ll be a family again.
When I have another baby, we’ll get to really be a family again.
When the second baby comes, I’ll find a job outside of the US.
See? It’s always the next step. I love life how it is. I really do. I’ll be thrilled when grad school is done in THREE MONTHS and this whole Capstone project is behind me, but life isn’t slowing down. We’re still not going to be living together because I took this job. Is there really a phase where it’ll slow down and we’ll just be content existing? I don’t want to sound like I’m not content. I think I have a wonderful life and part of learning to not be depressed anymore years ago was appreciating my life and my journey. I have been intentional in setting my life up how I want it.
But will I ever get to a point where I’m not looking towards the next thing?
I know having kids and being “settled” is harder on me than I thought it would be. While I feel like I should enjoy this childhood phase, I tend to look at what I wish my life really looked like now. And that’s not as a mom or a master’s student or a nurse. It’s really just living in another country and doing my own thing. I see other free spirits and long for that life. But I do like the structure I have. I love having Jackson. I love coming home to a husband. I love having a home and being near family. I love the comfort of the US.
Is this my midlife crisis? I’m not sure! But I think that once I finish working before our second kid is born, I’ll be looking more towards the next step. I’ve started researching jobs in Australia. I would actually prefer to work in Europe but my options are slim for that (they exist- but are slim). I’m going to have to figure out how to set myself up. I may branch out from nursing, but I actually do love nursing so I don’t want to stray away from it too far. For now, I’m just going to focus on the now though… Finishing school, going on my graduation trip to South Korea in May, getting through the rest of the year away from my husband, and watching my cute little boy grow!
I have spent all week with Jackson since we are in Charleston and it has been sweet and slow. He has been so good and life in Atlanta has been super busy and it has been hard to enjoy time together. We needed this. We had slow mornings, playdates, fun times, family times… I’ve soaked him in and I’ve loved it. We head back to Atlanta tomorrow and back to the grind, so life will be crazy again until our next Charleston trip, but I’m glad we have these times. I’m glad I got a taste of that stay-at-home mom life again, just for a week. It reminds me that I want to be home more with Jackson and I can’t wait until the slower days come in May.