Happy Thursday! No weekend updates this past weekend because life is busy and I don’t even remember my weekend anymore. Jon went to Myrtle Beach this past weekend so I was solo-Mommin’ as usual, and then I worked Monday, interned Tuesday, and worked Wednesday.
I applied for two full times jobs at my hospital! I haven’t talked much about my internship or my jobs or what I’m thinking for my future because I haven’t been set on my goals. I went into this thinking I’d be a per diem ER nurse still once I finish school, until Jackson and our next kid make it to full time (FREE) school.
But I totally love my internship. I can really see myself doing this. Unfortunately, I’m not super comfortable in a preceptee role, so I feel a bit awkward at times. Well, maybe that’s not the right way to put it. I don’t feel like my personality shines when I’m a preceptee because I feel like I’m being watched and I don’t know if I’m supposed to have much input. I also am attending meetings with the directors of units who have been leaders for so long, so I don’t think I even comprehend everything they are talking about quite yet (and a lot of this stuff is ongoing, so I came in without any background and am piecing it all together now).
I have really realized that I do want to do this and I don’t want to wait forever! I also love my hospital and I think the ER is doing some awesome new things that I like where the department has gone in the last few years. I can’t really fathom leaving and going somewhere else, when that hospital feels like my home. I want to move forward where I know the leadership team and where I can have mentors and where I have support.
So I applied for two jobs. I don’t know that I’ll even be considered for either, honestly. I’m completely fine with that, but I know if I don’t get a promotion here, that I’ll have to go back to Charleston in May and find a job there, and I’ll finally have to quit my job here (after 8 years). At least I’ll know I applied and if I don’t qualify, I totally get it. I would require a lot of support because I don’t have experience, and I don’t know if our unit can take that on right now. I also don’t know I’ve impressed my preceptor (/director of my unit) enough either.
But overall, the internship is going great. The days fly by. I love it. I am so glad to be working in the ER again. One of the paramedics took my patient to the floor the other day and she told me yesterday that he just raved about me the entire way up. I really missed connecting with my patients while I was out of work. Which brings me to my next point-
It’s hard for me to imagine NOT being at the bedside anymore. I can say hands down that I get burnt out if I work full time hours at the bedside. I don’t want to work 36 hours a week as an ER nurse. But 20 hours a week? Yes please! As a manager, I wouldn’t be providing patients with care and I’ll miss that relationship building. So if neither of these jobs at my hospital work out, I need to figure out where I can work in Charleston that will provide me with what I need to move forward in my field, but that I will still love doing.
We are definitely in a good routine around here. I’m off today and tomorrow (I decided not to intern twice this week since France is coming up soon and I have a major paper to finish, plus a smaller paper, and then a ton of discussions to work on). We get out of the house by 7:15 every day and we just have a good system going.
I miss Jackson though! Man, do I miss him! Being a working mom now is so different than being a working mom with a newborn. I hated having a newborn, so I loved leaving to go to work! And back then, I really only picked up 9-3 shifts since I had to be able to pick Jackson up from daycare. My mom helps now, so I work 9-7 and I intern from about 8:30-4ish usually. So Jackson and I get home around 5:30 and he’s in bed by 6:30. He’s so much fun now that I wish we had more time!
I got sent home from work early yesterday (we were slow) at 5pm! I had planned on working out after work and considered going before heading home, but I knew I wouldn’t see Jackson much if I did that. So I went home and we snuggled in the chair in his bedroom for so long before I put him to bed.
Jackson’s been sick for awhile now but I’ve been giving him Motrin and chugging him along to daycare! I can’t miss work for a snotty nose and a fussy boy. And he’s totally fine once he’s there. But he had a massive poop explosion in his crib this morning. He cried through breakfast. Then he got a bloody nose. His nose is turning black and blue now so he must have gotten in good. But we ended up snuggling on the couch for about 30 minutes, just watching Moana. When we got ready to leave, I really wished we could have just gone to Target together and then went to the park. He’s just getting so big and I love this age so much that I want to soak it in more! And Jackson’s all about Daddy on the weekends and seriously wants nothing to do with me, so I only get his attention during the week (and Grandma gets half of that attention- Jackson LOVES his Grandma!!), so I just wish we had more days together like we did in Charleston!